The Big Show
It would be easier to write about the weather five years ago
today than it would be to write about my performance in last Friday night’s
show. I say this because who remembers what the weather was like five years ago
on any specific day? Well just like that, I don’t remember, what everyone who
couldn’t be there, is so supportively
asking me. “ How did it go????
Pittsburgh’s inaugural cast for a show spreading nation wide called Listen To Your Mother was what I was a part of; and standing
backstage with my cast mates, I was nervous, I was overheating, I could feel
the baby inside me kicking saying "What the hell mom?" I was approaching
panic attack mode.
“I am not a stage person.” I said repeatedly in middle school to my
dance teachers as a way of choreographing myself OUT of every dance recital; and I said it again to the producers of this show before I began reading my essay in my audition. So how did I
get here? Back stage, and sweating in unusual places? (Overshare:
Antiperspirant works EVERYWHERE. BUT,
applying it everywhere may cause random other places to start sweating…
consider yourself warned)
If you decide to follow this blog you’ll eventually see a pattern of
randomness in my life, and definitely my thoughts, who knows? Maybe you’ll discover something I don’t see?
Either way, I frequently find myself in positions like this..
Now, back to NOT being a stage person……
In the darkened backstage area, my 12 cast mates and I were
fanning ourselves, saying last minute prayers,
repeating calming mantras, and
trying to shake nervous energy off. The
door to the stage opened, and light poured in . The crowd, 350 deep was
cheering, and Alicia Key’s, “Girl On Fire,” was echoing through the sound
system. I remember plastering a grin on my face, telling myself to keep putting
one foot in front of the other and “Whatever you do, don’t trip." Walking in 4
inch heels when you are 6 month’s pregnant and accustomed to being in flip
flops, is literally a change of pace.
We stood there waiting for the cue from our emcee to take
our seats on stage. When she did, the baby and I carefully lowered ourselves
into the chair. I don’t know how long I had been holding my breath, but the
baby nailed me hard in my stomach and reminded me that if I wasn’t breathing, neither was he or she?
Natalie, my new friend and her story about her son finding
his independence from her, set the perfect tone to start the show. She nails
her piece! It’s the best I’ve ever heard her read it!! She gets enthusiastic
applause from the crowd and tears from some of the women in the audience sitting in front of me.
Next up is Tina, with
her funny, sarcastic, and apologetic for some things, but not for
other’s piece called “ Now I get It.” She has the audience laughing again and
again! She’s changed her delivery and added some character voices! This too is
the best version I’ve ever heard her read. The audience feels it too and the
love they show her is unequivocal.
OH …..
MY ……
GOD…… the emcee is reading my intro…
I know what it said because I wrote it but I can’t hear it.
Blood is rushing to my ears. I find my parents and Jason my
husband’s faces in the crowd. They are dead center 2nd row. Right in
front of the microphone. Thank god!
Just look at them, Just look at them. Just
look at them.
I see Amanda the emcee cue me to come to the podium…
Left foot ….
Right foot…
And then it happened….. I blacked out.
Except I didn’t actually black out. But, I did go into some kind of zombie autopilot state because I have zero memory
whatsoever of my reading, OR the audience’s reaction during it for that matter. Just like you, I have to wait for the Youtube
video to see what happened. I came to when the clapping and cheering started and
I realized I had done it, I had gotten through my piece and I could tell
by the applause that it had struck the chord I wanted it to.
I walked back to my seat and the cast mates on either side
of me confirmed. I had nailed it! Add me to the list of people who were doing
better than they had done in rehearsal!
The rest of the night was a ginormous success. With each
reading and each story, the audience fell in love with our show a little more.
These amazing women, and their wildly different stories were creating a
beautifully complex celebration of all things motherhood. Erika, Stephanie, Jen, P,
Ilene, Britt, Gina, Jen H., Tamara, Dawn, and Kristen each took their turn in the spotlight
and brought their writing to life. I recommend you watch every reading from the show because before tonight, I could never have imagined what: a "fucking chicken," or "pseudo-spelunking to Michael Buble," or doing "you'll have to wait and see" things "LIKE...A...BOSS," as "Snapshots" are being taken, right before a channeling of Lauryn Hill, have to do with Motherhood?
In
the end, to the tune of Sara Bareilles’s “Brave,” we took our bows, embraced one
another and this moment of victory……Victory for beating our nerves, victory in coming together as a cast in the first place, and victory for becoming and making it through all things
Mom. Ann Imig, the creator of Listen To your Mother, we hope we did you and your "baby proud." Because this process, and what we had the opportunity to do, definitely made us proud of ourselves.
Pittsburgh needed this. Moms need this. I badly needed this....I can't remember my specific moment in the spotlight, but I know enough to know it was a win. The kind of which, I hadn't had in awhile.........
Video coming soon.
